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Messages - Der Captain

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TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: January 01, 2014, 12:15:11 pm »
Start 2014 with a rarely seen Richard Williams effort. Part 1 of 4.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: An IAD Christmas 2013
« on: December 23, 2013, 10:07:36 pm »
 :bugs2: Well, what do we do for entertainment? (Suddenly door is kicked open and Santa enters with a big bag.)

 :sylvester: Ssssssssssssufferin' Sssssssssssssssssuccotash! It'ssssss Sssssssssssanta Claussssssssssss!

 :droopy: I think you just drowned Sniffles.

 :daffy: Gimme Gimme Gimme! Whatja bring?

SANTA: Ho Ho Ho! I heard you needed some entertainment. Well, I just got back from a special mission. (rips open Santa suit to reveal a t-shirt that says "Free Pussy Riot".)

 :bugs2: Hey, that's the girls Putin put in jail and is expected to release soon.

SANTA: Better than that, Bugs. They ARE released! (Santa opens his bag and Nadya Tolokonnikova and Maria Alekhina emerge from it.)

NADYA: Happy Holidays, everyone!

 :tweetie: I tawt I taw a Putty Wiot!

MARIA: And we just received the greatest gift of all - Amnesty!

 :tweetie: I did! I did taw a Putty Wiot!

 :sylvester: They're my favorite celebrities. Us pussycats have got to stick together.

 :bugs2: So how did you get them to come with you, Santa?

SANTA: I told Putin that if he didn't let them go, I'd put a lump of coal in his stocking. But if he agreed to let them go and write "I've been a very bad boy" 10,000 times, he might find a new ushanka under the tree. Then he ran off and said "Oh, I've got to get busy, busy, busy!"

  :daffy: Brilliant, Santa! you saved the day!   

SANTA: Actually, he almost opted for the coal. They need all the heat they can get over there.

 :tweetie: Bad old Putin Tat!

NADYA: Well, let's get our instruments together for a Pussy Riot Xmas Party! We talked Santa into playing lead guitar!

MARIA: After all, what's Christmas without "Release the Cobblestones"?

 :bugs2: But Santa, don't you still have toys to deliver?

SANTA: I'll let the toilet shark handle that. PARTY ON, PUSSY RIOT!!!!!!!!

Holiday Party Threads / Re: An IAD Christmas 2013
« on: December 20, 2013, 08:39:10 pm »
(Meanwhile in the necessary room, the Texas Toads sit near the toilet. They were once The Tijuana Toads, but times change. Daffy enters.) 

 :daffy: Hey, you two, why aren't you out joining the party?

FATSO: We're waiting for the Toilet Shark.

BANJO: Yes, didn't you know? Every Christmas the Toilet Shark rises up from the commode to bring presents to all the good folks.

FATSO: And we've been very good this year.

 :daffy: Wouldn't your presents get wet?

FATSO: Hmm. Good point. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him for the Sega Genesis Game Console.

BANJO: Not to mention the batteries.

FATSO: The Duck Dynasty Chia Pets should handle the trip okay.

 :daffy: That's crazy! There is no Toilet Shark!

BANJO: Oh, ye of little faith. How do you know?

 :daffy: Cause the Great Pumpkin told me so! You guys are so childish! - Besides, wouldn't a Toilet Shark eat you?

FATSO: Blasphemer! The Toilet Shark loves everyone. If you are good you get presents. If you are bad, you get an empty bottle of Sani-Flush. But he would never eat you.

(Suddenly Misterjaw emerges from the toilet bowl, gobbles up Fatso, and dives back down.)

BANJO: (to Daffy) You know, I'm starting to think our parents lied to us.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: An IAD Christmas 2013
« on: December 16, 2013, 06:13:08 pm »
 :bugs2: Well, things are going good now, but where did Misterjaw go?

 :daffy: Who cares. Let's eat. Hey, Sniffles, you look pensive.

 :sniff: Me and Chilly Willy are trying to come up with an idea for a new Christmas song. Nothing yet.

 :willy: Yeah, if only someone could remind us what Xmas is all about.

 :daffy: Hey, Linus! That's your cue!

LINUS: (stuffing his face at the Xmas buffet) What? - Hey! I'm eatin' here!

 :daffy: Your big scene, man! Whataya think Coke's payin' ya for?

LINUS: Oh, all right. Don't anyone touch my pumpkin frappe. - (walks on stage) Lights please. - And the shepherds were guarding their flock when the angel appeared. The shepherds were frightened, but the angel said unto them -

 :buddy: (suddenly bursts out of the bathroom) I JUST GOT MY NADS BITTEN OFF BY A TOILET SHARK!

(dead silence among the crowd)

LINUS: (calmly) I'll be in my trailer. (exits)

CHARLIE BROWN: It's Misterjaw! I saw him earlier!

 :sniff: Hey, now we have an idea for our song! (quickly scribbles down lyrics) C'mon, Chilly. Let's sing!

(And they do! To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

Oh, Toilet Shark! Oh, Toilet Shark! What's gotten in your blackened soul?
Oh, Toilet Shark! Oh, Toilet Shark! We'll fight you off with Ty-D-Bowl!
Don't terrorize the porcelain! It's no place to find a morsel in.
Oh, Toilet Shark! Oh, Toilet Shark! You bit off Buddy's best friends!

(MEANWHILE - back in the ocean with Misterjaw and Catfish)

CATFISH: You know, Boss, I really think the bathroom throne is not a good place to attack people. It's unsanitary.

MISTERJAW: You think so?

CATFISH: Are you kidding? Alcoholics put their faces in those things.

MISTERJAW: That's true, but supermodels do too, and I've always wanted to meet one of those.

CATFISH: Okay, but I wouldn't categorize that as a "meet cute".

Holiday Party Threads / Re: The 2013 IADB/GAC Thanksgiving Feast
« on: November 22, 2013, 06:47:48 pm »
(Meanwhile back at the mansion....)

 :bugs2: Things are calming down. We shouldn't have any more unexpected guests. (doorbell rings)

 :daffy: Famous last words, Bugs.

 :bugs2: I thought everyone was already here. (opens door) Hello? (Bozo the Clown dashes in and slams the door behind him.)

BOZO: Bugs! Could you let me stay here awhile?

 :bugs2: Bozo the Friggin' Clown! I forgot you were a cartoon character!

 :daffy: How soon we forget Larry Harmon.

 :droopy: How easy it is to forget Larry Harmon.

 :bugs2: So Bozo -

BOZO: Don't call me that name! I'm in the Witness Protection Program!

 :bugs2: What? Why?

BOZO: I saw Krusty the Klown get cream pied by Clown thugs.

 :daffy: You mean the Insane Clown Posse?

BOZO: Yeah, them! Banana Cream! It was brutal. I told the cops and they put me in the WPP. I was told to relocate. My new name is Nick Nolte.

 :daffy: Dubious choice of an alias, pal.

BOZO: I really believe in Pie Control. There should be tighter restrictions on pies so that clowns with criminal records can't get them.

 :yosemite: Consarn it! That sounds unconstitutional. You've just convinced me to join the National Pastry Association! You'll get my cream pie when ya clean it offa my cold dead face!

BOZO: Can I hide in your basement for a few months? I'll have to order in for food. I shouldn't go outside.

 :bugs2: Boz - I mean Nick, get a grip. I doubt they'll bother you.

 :daffy: Yeah, stop being silly. (opens door) Just walk outside. There's nothing to fear. (suddenly a car zips by the entrance and fires a barrage of pastries at Bozo, then zooms away.)

 :buddy: Holy mutha! ICP did a drive-by!

 :daffy: (shouting after the car) Laughs on you, funny boys! You didn't get Bozo! You got Nick Nolte!

 :bugs2: Bozo - I mean, Nick! Are you okay?

BOZO: They got me, Bugs. Custard, Rhubarb, Mince, Blueberry, Chocolate cream and Vegetable pot pie! The horror!

 :daffy: Okay, where's pumpkin?

 :bugs2: Daffy!

 :daffy: Well, it's Thanksgiving. I'm just thinking seasonal.

BOZO: I'm dying....I'm dying....

 :bugs2: You know it washes off, drama clown.

BOZO: That wasn't just the Clown Posse. It was every member of the entire National ICP Fan Club! 500 members plus!

 :daffy: Funny how they all fit in that one car.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: The 2013 IADB/GAC Thanksgiving Feast
« on: November 21, 2013, 09:38:40 pm »
(Meanwhile in Washington, Andy Panda angrily enters the Oval Office at the White House where he finds a very glum-looking president.)

 :andy: All right, Obama! I've had it with all these government intrusions! You need to shut down Panda Cam or shut down the whole government!

OBAMA: Hey, how'd you get past the Secret Service?

 :andy: They were all distracted playing "World of Warcraft" on their Smartphones.

OBAMA: Geez, everybody's into that now. - Hey, leave me alone, okay. Let me wallow in my sorrows.

 :andy: Huh? What's wrong?

OBAMA: What's wrong he says! Read a newspaper, will you? Website woes, Syria, NSA scandal, approval rating in the crapper.... I don't know why I bother anymore.

 :andy: What's a newspaper? - Oh wait, I remember. Walter Lantz used to train me on those before I was ready for stardom.

(Suddenly Woody Woodpecker, Chilly Willy, and Oswald enter the room)

 :willy: Hey, Andy, we thought we'd come along for moral support.

 :andy: Not now. Obama's bummin' out.

 :ozzie: Bumming out? For shame, Barack! Have you not seen my legendary B&W cartoon "Confidence"? (Probably on Youtube. Search for it.)

OTHERS: Confidence?

 :ozzie: Yes, you remember! It took place during the Great Depression. My farm was sucking the big one, until I went to Washington and FDR told me all about Confidence! Then I went back home and injected a big needle full of Confidence into everyone. Their moods changed instantly and America lived happily ever after. The End.

OBAMA: And Confidence picked everyone up.

 :woody: Sure. You'll notice FDR didn't need his wheelchair. (others gasp) - Oh, like I'm the only one who noticed that!

  :willy: Well, the most important part was the injections.

 :woody: That's right! So if we all inject needles into ourselves, soon we'll be so high we won't care anymore!

 :andy: Woody, NO!

OBAMA: Actually I've been meaning to legalize that....

  :ozzie: Don't you realize that it's our attitude that needs to change? 

OBAMA: That's right. We lost most of our innocence after WW2. We lost what was left after JFK got shot. But we can get it back and make this country a better place! - Of course I'll still have to spy on you.

 :andy: Oh, that's all right. My home page is Google, so I'm used to having no privacy.

OBAMA: So let's do this thing! Where's that Confidence needle, Oswald?

 :ozzie: Well, time's have changed. There's no needle. Confidence is now available as an alcoholic beverage. (pulls out twelve-pack) Drink up, gang!

(Cut to two hours later. Andy, Woody, Chilly, Obama, and Oswald sit behind the desk with their arms around each other singing "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" from "Monty Python's Life of Brian".)

OBAMA: I'm feeling the Confidence now.  - Hic - Michelle's gonna kill me for this.

 :willy: This - hic - sure beats Wild Turkey for Thanksgiving.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: The 2013 IADB/GAC Thanksgiving Feast
« on: November 20, 2013, 07:39:12 pm »
 :bugs2: Hey, Daffy! Where'd you go?

 :daffy: (at computer) Over here, Bugs! I'm watching Panda Cam.

 :bugs2: Oh, that's where you get to observe the mating habits of Pandas. That must be fascinating. Lemme look.

(And so we observe the video in which Miranda looks bored in a living room.)

MIRANDA: Ho hum. I'm so bored and unfulfilled.

 :andy: (knocks on door, then enters in Pizza Hut uniform) Hey, beautiful. Did someone order a bamboo pizza?

MIRANDA: Oh yes, Mr. dashing delivery man, let me get my purse. (grabs purse) Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I have no money! Whatever shall I do?

 :andy: Heh heh! Well, lovely lady, maybe there's another way to pay for your pizza. (takes off uniform while tacky "brown-chicken-brown-cow" music plays in background. Suddenly Andy looks up in horror) Hey, what's that?

MIRANDA: What's what?

 :andy: That camera near the ceiling!

MIRANDA: Oh, that's Panda Cam. It's been there for years.

 :andy: Holy crap! Has it always been spying on us?!

MIRANDA: Well, not during the government shutdown.

 :andy: That's it, Miranda! Let's get out of here! I wish we never left China! (both pandas exit room)

 :bugs2: Um....Daffy. I feel like we shouldn't be watching this.

 :daffy: It's educational, Bugs. (knock on door of the Fabulous Bugs Bunny mansion. Andy and Miranda enter.)

 :andy: Bugs, I'm mad as hell and I need your help!

 :bugs2: I keep forgetting you live next door.

 :andy: As an American citizen I feel my privacy has been violated! Have you ever heard of Panda Cam?

 :daffy: Yeah, we were just watching it. You need to get some better quality canned music. Try something by Barry White.

 :andy: There's a camera in our room! Why do these zoologists have to study our mating habits?

 :daffy: It's not just them. The NSA uses it to make sure you're not terrorists. So far you're clear!

MIRANDA: What bothers me is you brought me a bamboo pizza and I distinctly ordered Eucalyptus leaves!

 :andy: Enough! I'm going to Washington and demand another government shutdown! You haven't heard the last of me! (rushes over to dinner table, stuffs himself with Thanksgiving food, pulls our a pistol, fires two shots and storms out the front door with a slam.)

 :bugs2: Hmm......Eats, shoots and leaves.

 :daffy: You know I've heard that somewhere.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: The 2013 Annual IAD Halloween Party!
« on: October 25, 2013, 05:57:18 pm »
FRANKENBERRY: Oh dear, Bugs. You'll be so lonesome until Daffy returns. You need a sidekick.

 :bugs2: Oh, I'll be fine. It's nice that you cereal monsters were able to drop by.

COUNT CHOCULA: You know, they originally wanted to call my cereal "Nosferat O's" until Cheerios threatened to sue.

FRANKEN: That's right. You were terrified of that, especially since their lawyer was Vanilla Helsing.

VICTOR: I remember him. Whenever I saw you three together I kept thinking "Neopolitan".

 :bugs2: Hey, who are you?

FRANKEN: That's Victor Frankenberry, the mad scientist who created me. Daddy!

VICTOR: I behold the wretch, the miserable cereal I have created.

FRANKEN: If I cannot inspire love, I will inspire tooth decay.

VICTOR: I tried to bring you love! Remember when I created your bride?

FRANKEN: You made her out of Fruit Loops. It was so weird.

 :bugs2: Hey, cheer up, you guys. This is a party. We also invited Fruit Brute, Boo Berry and Yummy Mummy and - (suddenly a psycho in a hockey mask crashes through the door wielding a machete. The guests all scream.)

ALL: Oh, my God! It's Jason!!!!!!!!

JASON: (pulls out cereal box) With my delicious new "Jason Flakes" cereal. Vitamin fortified flakes with machete-shaped marshmallows. A screamingly good part of this nutritious breakfast.

CHOCULA: It's just like having your last breakfast at summer camp.

 :bugs2: Eww. Well, I guess I could try a bowl. Are they chocolate or strawberry or -

JASON: It's meat-flavored.

 :bugs2: Okay, now I don't want any.

VICTOR: You know, it's not as bad as what's in Hannibal Lechter's Mini-wheats.

Holiday Party Threads / Re: The 2013 Annual IAD Halloween Party!
« on: October 24, 2013, 08:32:48 pm »
(lights come back on)
 :bugs2: Hey, nice. We're back on. How did that happen?
 :scrooge: (suddenly enters) I brought over a power generator. I do occasionally spend my money altruistically. 
 :daffy: Aw, that was cool of you. Now I feel guilty about us excluding the Disney gang.
 :bugs2: You're right, Daf. I say they are all welcome here from now on.
 :scrooge: (yells) Did you hear that, folks?! (suddenly all the Disney characters flood in)
 :minnie: (scantily clad) Oh, it's great to be back! Let's party! (Minnie sticks her tongue out and twerks in front of Bugs to the music of the three little bops)
 :bugs2: Hey, stop that. I'm trying to digest a carrot smoothie and this isn't helping!
 :daffy: Well, she is over eighty years old, Bugs, so a second childhood is in order.
 :mickey: Are you kidding? She started her second childhood in 1993. Her inner child is now twenty years old and entering the youthful rebellion stage.
 :minnie: Suck it, grandpa! I'm the future!
 :sylvester: Cover your eyes, son.
 :shame: Too late, father. I'm scarred forever. I think I'll go goth now.
 :donald: Actually, it's all part of Disney Princess Trauma. Girls associated with the Disney company feel the need to rebel against the squeaky-clean image if they expect to compete in today's media.
 :bugs2: You mean all the Disney females are doing it? Even - (a wrecking ball suddenly crashes through the BB mansion with a naked - and very short-haired - Snow White riding on it.
SNOW WHITE: (singing) I came in like a Wreeeeecking Baaaalllllll......
 :bugs2: Oh God, my home!
GRUMPY: Well, on the plus side, she's been signed on to host Saturday Night Live.

TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: August 12, 2013, 04:19:58 pm »
This was highlighted on Jerry Beck's "Cartoon Research" site, but I thought it was worth passing along. The Story of Reynard the Fox (here presented in six parts) is something too cynical for Disney to handle. The film leaves it up to us how to judge Reynard. Certainly no angel -  he "murders" chickens and other prey animals, and torments the larger ones, but that is survival in the wild. Early folk tales like this often featured trickster characters who defied all authority and exposed their hypocrisies. It would really be nice to see this one spiffed up for DVD. Are you reading this, Criterion Collection?

TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: July 04, 2013, 06:12:59 pm »
Unconventional but very likable Heckle and Jeckle cartoon.

I'm sending you my therapy bill.

TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: May 01, 2013, 05:04:26 pm »
And another Bubble and Squeak. Not the cleanest copy one could hope for but you can follow it.
Believe it on not I first saw this on a Columbus public cable access channel. Where they got it is a mystery.
Wow, the animation is almost on par with US standards!
Also, why does it remind me so much of Irv Spence?

These were made by George Moreno, who worked for Fleischer before moving across the pond. Only five cartoons were made at British Animated Productions. I would love to see them cleaned up for a DVD, but I wonder what the chances of that would be. Anyway, for your entertainment pleasure, here is Colonol Rat in his one starring role, in which he takes on a legendary monster.

BTW- The Colonol made his debut in the Bubble and Squeak short "The Old Manor House".

TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: April 22, 2013, 09:43:47 pm »
And another Bubble and Squeak. Not the cleanest copy one could hope for but you can follow it.
Believe it on not I first saw this on a Columbus public cable access channel. Where they got it is a mystery.

TTTP In Exile / Re: YouTube Thread, Part 14
« on: April 22, 2013, 09:39:51 pm »
At last! Bubble and Squeak on Youtube!

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