The First, Last, and Only GAC-IAD Fourth of July - Forum.
Toadette
2015-06-24T15:18:26Z
Fade in on the Merrie Melodies red rings with blue center, with the on-screen info already present. The WB shield zooms up; cue the 1945-1955 variation of "Merrily We Roll Along".

UserPostedImage

Fade here...

UserPostedImage

As "Merrily We Roll Along" finishes, launch into a rendition of "Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean" as the following credits (in Futura font) fade past.


Daffy Duck
in
The First, Last, and Only GAC-IAD Fourth of July

Story Supervisor TOADETTE

Animation
KEN HARRIS
ART DAVIS
BEN WASHAM
IZZY ELLIS
PHIL MONROE
LLOYD VAUGHAN
RICHARD BICKENBACH
RICHARD THOMPSON
ABE LEVITOW
CAL DALTON

Layouts JOHN McGREW

Backgrounds EUGENE FLEURY

Film Editor TREG BROWN

Voice Characterization MEL BLANC

Music
CARL W. STALLING and MILT FRANKLYN

Directed by
CHUCK JONES and FRANK TASHLIN


Fade in on an angled view of [bugs2]'s mansion. [daffy]'s voice is heard ranting and raving.

[daffy]: You're killing me! You're ruffling my feathers!

Truck in on the mansion as he is saying this. Fade to a pie that looks like the American flag as Daffy rants the dialogue below, and during that dialogue pan up to [daffy] desperately ranting; this scene is directed by Chuck Jones.

[daffy]: You have a whole patriotic pie that I deserve, and you really think you can divide it between all the guests!?

[bugs2]: Daffy, you know today's the Fourth of July, and once everybody arrives they'll be expecting something! And what better way to celebrate our country's birth than a pie that looks like the American flag?

[daffy]: And what better way to celebrate the Fourth of July than to award such a pie in WHOLE to someone who has served his country well—a veteran? Like me?

[bugs2]: What exactly have you done for America, Daffy?

[daffy]: Well......I've been in several different roles as an entertainer! And I've been funny in all those roles!

[daffy] zips out and zips back in (Frank Tashlin directs from here) with a fighter pilot's hat on, shoving himself in Bugs's face angularly.

[daffy]: I've been a WWII squadron woman-hater, sent to deliver an important military secret!

During this dialogue, he zips over to the closet, as if imitating leaving his base. When he opens the door, however, a set of porcelain woman's legs fall out...with [daffy] becoming excited, his eyes bugging out repeatedly as if examining the legs! He lets out a wolf-whistle; then he zips out, leaving the fighter pilot's hat on the ground.

Chuck Jones directs again when [daffy] zips back in, this time in his outfit from "Drip-Along Daffy".


[daffy]: I've been a Western-type hero! *sticking his guns out—which brings his pants with him!—and looking around* Stick 'em up! Stick 'em up!

Zip out, leaving the whole outfit behind, then cut to the front door, which is located above some steps.

[daffy] (opening the door; what he says should indicate what he's wearing): I've been Dorlock Holmes!

...except he trips and gets his beak stuck in the floor. It separates as he gets up, and he has to pull the beak out and stick it back on himself.

With an unamused look at the audience, he once again zips out and leaves his outfit behind. Cut to him on a cabinet, holding a long rope because...


[daffy]: And I've been Robin Hood! Yoinks...and *swinging* awaaaaaaaaaay!

Swinging down, with [bugs2] watching, for a time [daffy] actually steals the pie, much to [bugs2]'s surprise! But [bugs2] does the usual Jones "eyebrows-up-and-down", knowing that it's going to fail...and sure enough, he looks up to the chandelier to which the rope is tied—the rope snaps!

Cut to [daffy], now flying straight. He looks back at [bugs2] and sticks his tongue out in satisfaction...but the moment he turns back, he slams into the oven! He pops himself from the oven door, bruised and battered.


[daffy] (wearied): Anyone up for some crass croquet?

...and the oven door slams down on him, squishing him down. [bugs2] comes over and takes back the pie, which [daffy] has been holding with his outstretched hand.

[daffy], offended, slams the oven door back up, pops back to size, and raises his finger, breathing heavily (and angrily) with bloodshot eyes as if trying to say something.


[bugs2]: Yais? (Yes?)

...whereupon [daffy], feeling affronted, grows still and wide-eyed; his breathing stills and his finger grows limp. He turns to the audience with this  look.

[daffy] (turning back to [bugs2] angrily): All right, all right, so I was funny because I was a failure in those roles!

Once again, [daffy] zips out, leaving his clothes behind. Cut to a shot of him standing on top of the table behind [bugs2]; the camera is angled as if to make him seem like [bugs2]'s overlord. The scene is directed by Frank Tashlin.

[daffy] (pointing at [bugs2] angularly as he is turning around): Listen up, you long-eared shorty! I'll make a deal—a way of ending our little tête-à-tête today. If I can do a single thing on this Fourth of July that is of benefit in some way to America, then you give me the whole pie! Take it...or take it!

[bugs2]: Eh, why not? *to the audience* Not like he'll succeed anyways.

[daffy] (molding himself around [bugs2]'s body): I heard that, quietmouth! *zip to the front door* And I assure you that I will VERY much succeed in serving my country today, *opening the door* or my name isn't...Daffy...

As he tries to zip out through the door, he ends up crashing violently into the chunk of wall next to it! His tail is left ringing like an alarm clock; cue a quick succession of shots of [daffy]-in-wall from some different angles to further the gag's effect, then cut to a shot outside the house where it turns out that his beak has broken through to the other side. A [daffy]-shaped portion of the wall cracks, and down comes that portion, along with [daffy].

[daffy]: ....Duck.

Fade to the next scene...
ParamountCartoons
2015-06-24T20:11:55Z
Chuck Jones directs.

There's a view of...a Confederate flag flying in the sky!? Pan down to Daffy Duck, angry.

[daffy] So, that barnyard bigmouth was a Confederate sympathizer all this time, eh!? No doubt, a public humiliation of that traitor will be of service to this country.

Pan over to a nearby barn. In front of it, Foghorn Leghorn is himself looking up at the flag.

[foghorn] (disgusted): Ugghhhhh............say, I say this Confederate flag is a eyesore in the sky—a skysore, that is!

...but Daffy Duck zips right up to Foghorn Leghorn!

[daffy] (loudly): Shaaame, you coward of a rooster! Chickening out on America in favor of the Sssssouth on Independence Day! Why, I ought to make Southern Fried Chicken out of you!

[foghorn] Now (slamming his belly into Daffy Duck) quit gettin' in my face like that! I don't—I say I don't know who in Charleston put that flag up there, but it sure wasn't me! I want to support the REAL Red, White, and Blue for Independence Day!

During the above dialogue, pan to a seemingly sleeping Barnyard Dawg...who then opens one eye. Cut to a shot of the inside of his doghouse, where one of the Dawg's feet push an American flag further into the dark.

[daffy] (pretty ruffled from the belly bump): So if it wasn't you, who dunnit? You'd better find the American flag that should be there, or I'll tar and feather you! *turning to talk to himself* Or, should that be defeather, then tar and feather? Or tartar sauce, douse, feather, oil...

[sylvestr] (in the distance): Yard Sale! Everything must go!

Foghorn Leghorn, seeing an opportunity to leave while Daffy Duck still pontificates, zips off and looks through a spyglass; from that spyglass's point of view, the camera pans all over till it zooms in on Sylvester's tub full of flags and patriotic merchandise.....

[foghorn] Exac-I say exactly what I needed!

Foghorn Leghorn zips to Sylvester's house, crashing through a fence........

[foghorn] : I say I can't believe this, American Flags for Cheap! Look at all of this Fourth of July merchandise! United We Stand, God Bless America, eagles, and lots and lots of flag—say, why are you giving up such a sacred collection? Where's the fireworks anyways?

[sylvestr] : Well, there'th alwayth the chanthe that that Tweety bird ith going to uthe (use) one of thethe (these) pietheth (pieces) of Chinethe-made junk against me. In fact, I took out the one fountain firework I had today...but I don't know where it'th gone...

Meanwhile, as Sylvester begins speaking the dialogue above, Foghorn Leghorn notices said firework under the tub. Seeing an opportunity to get stuff for free, he pushes (with his foot) the firework closer to Sylvester...then said foot becomes a character of its own as it stands up like an actual being (like the bird's feet in "Lost and Foundling"); it carries the firework, placing it under Sylvester, then scrapes one of its "legs" against itself like a match, creating a flame. The foot unpeels the top label and lights the firework, then gets out and stomps its own "foot" to put out the flame.

[sylvestr] : *sniff* *sniff* Thay, what's *looking under himself* that....*looking back up with a typical Jones "Oh, no" expression*.....thmell?

Cut to Foghorn Leghorn with an expression of smug satisfaction as he witnesses Sylvester being enveloped by the fireworks! The colors can be seen flashing on him.

When the fireworks are done, cut back to Sylvester charred up with an expression of shock, with fumes rising.

[sylvestr] (woeful and tired): You know what? Jutht take the whole thtand. It'th all free. *collapses*

[foghorn] : (laughing as he takes the whole tub and runs back) I finally got his flags...for free!
Toadette
2015-06-25T23:14:11Z
Frank Tashlin directs this whole post.

As [foghorn] runs back, he notices [daffy], having kicked over the doghouse, trying to pull the previously hidden American flag out from under the sleeping Barnyard Dawg. The Confederate flag has already been taken down.


[foghorn] (coming over): Now what—I say *kicking Barnyard Dawg away* WHAT is goin' on here? You can't just *snatching the flag* leave the American flag on the ground like this! Look, it's all tattered, good only for a fire now! *putting it in his pocket* You need to learn some respect, duck, and don't duck any advice I give ya!

The Dawg starts walking up to [foghorn] slowly, growling angrily...

[foghorn] (who then grabs the Dawg): Throwin' the *throwing down the Dawg, literally flattening him on the ground* flag down wrinkles it up and makes it collect dust, and people will *scraping his feet on the Dawg* use it as a rug and ruin it! *to the screen* Duck's nice, but his brains are the size of nuts. Peanuts, that is. *back to [daffy]* Luckily for you, I just got a new flag; *picking up the flattened Barnyard Dawg* now let me teach you a thing about raising the flag. *attaching the Dawg's tail to the cord and raising him up* You gotta pull it gently up, let the wind blow on it, don't *now smashing Barnyard Dawg's butt into the flagpole truck—that is, the ball on top—by his tail attached to the cord; each smashing-into-the-truck emphasized in the following italicized words* yank on it or pull it or give it the old one-two!

[daffy] (shooing [foghorn] away): All right, all right, get off your soapbox! *looking up at the flagpole* Hmmm, so I pull on the flag gently, and don't *now himself smashing the Dawg's butt * yank on it or pull it or give it the old one-two! And I'm sure that you don't do this, either!

When [daffy] says "this, either", he not only yanks the cord (and in turn the Dawg), he starts stepping back; to a Treg Brown long "twang", the top of the flagpole (and in turn the Dawg) curves down to [daffy]'s level!

[daffy], upon seeing Barnyard Dawg next to him, does a take and grins as the Dawg starts growling...then lets go!

The result: the flagpole starts twanging back and forth, constantly slamming the Dawg into the ground at every curve down! (Basically like the tree gag from Tashlin's "The Fox and the Grapes". [fox] [crow]) First it's seen from a long shot, then from an angled shot behind [daffy], and finally cue a close-up of [daffy]'s eyes—his eyeballs are bouncing along!


Finally, once it has stopped, [foghorn] comes over with the tub of American merchandise and lowers Barnyard Dawg...he is literally flat as a sheet! Then he folds him into dog origami, then throws him off, then takes the flag from the tub and prepares to raise it...


[daffy] (flying into [foghorn] angularly): Hooold it right there, wattle-neck! I'm the one who should raise that flag for America, because you're just a loudmouthed—

[foghorn] (grabbing a miniature Statue of Liberty from the tub when [daffy] says "you're"): Ahhhhhhhh *slamming [daffy] on the head into the ground with the mini-statue* shaddup!!! *walking away in disgust*

[daffy] (who has been left sticking up from the ground; he pops himself out): Peh, who needs him? I've wasted two posts dealing with him anyways. *starting to walk away* Besides, surely I'm capable of far greater ways to serve my country than merely replacing a Confeder-erate flag! *standing still and posing* Daffy Duck, all-new Ameeeerican hero!!

As he tries zipping out again, however, he once again crashes into something with his beak sticking through to the other side—this time a fence post! What's especially ironic is that it's right next to where [foghorn] earlier crashed through.

Down comes the fence post with [daffy].


[daffy] (pitiful): I should really work, on my department of departing.
ParamountCartoons
2015-06-26T15:38:56Z
Chuck Jones directs.............

[daffy] I guess I need to find something to serve my country..........

[coyote] is crushed by a failed attempted to catch [road]

[coyote] (while crushed) I might need to work on my time machine.......

[daffy] Well, sorry for all the bruises you got

[coyote] *In worn out Mel Blanc voice* Hello, my name is Mud. Genius. Thanks, there's something I need to show you.........

*Fade to [coyote]'s cavern*

[coyote] This time machine can stop any bad event from happening excecpt the weather......though you could ask more people to evacuate sooner from natural disasters........

[daffy] I want to be an American hero for the Fourth of July.....

[coyote] I've just got the plan for you on this computerized data printed on paper. Plus, I've recorded this episode of "Nova" that has a piece explaining how it happened......

[daffy] Wait a minute, you want me to stop 9/11 from happening and increase security so it never happens??? You must be out of your mind!

[coyote] Uh-uh-uh.....a crazy "quack" like you can't compete with a genius like me.....

*The two start to debate whether this is a good idea; overhearing the racket is [bugs2] sleeping in a desert rabbit hole as his house rumbles*

*[bugs2] stretches his arms and yawns*

[bugs2] I just got to see what all of this racket is.......

*[bugs2] Climbs up the ladder to [coyote] 's house *

Cut to Bugs butting in the conversation

[bugs2] Ehhhh....what's up doc?

[coyote] I've built a time machine to stop most bad events from happening

[daffy] AND HE'S GONE INSANE CONVINCING ME TO USE IT!

[bugs2] (to Daffy) Look, Mac, you should never trust a coyote like him. He almost made me into rabbit stew!

[coyote] And you're invited to my rabbit stew dinner.......

[bugs2] Oh really?

[coyote] Just first set my duncehead to 2001 with the plan, and the "Nova" DVD....

[daffy] NOOOO! NOOOOO! I'm not READY!

ZAP!

[bugs2] Now what did you do to Daffy? It's still Duck Season, y'know......
Toadette
2015-06-26T18:53:13Z
Quite an improvement, ParamountCartoons! I hope you don't mind if I condense your 9/11 scenario, since I have other gags planned.

[coyote]: No need to worry, rabbit. He is set to return to the present time whenever he endures any physical harm, which should be more than enough time for him to ruin the present timeline. By the way, I thought you lived in a mansion above ground...*licking his lips*

[bugs2] (nervous): See, doc, I have a second home down here connected to my mansion, *chuckles nervously* I need my beauty rests in a shaded area, you know...well, gottagonow! *zip back into the hole*

[coyote] himself zips out and, in a reprise of a gag from "Operation: Rabbit", brings in a cannon, with a curved pipe connected to the cannon pointing into the hole.

[coyote]: Wile E. Coyote....Super Genius!

The cannon is fired...but pan over to [bugs2]'s mansion, where [bugs2], several steps ahead, puts out a pipe that causes the cannonball to fire back into [coyote]'s cavern! Cue a funny image of [coyote], charred and humiliated.

It is then that [daffy] returns, tied in a straitjacket and with a messed-up face.


[coyote]: Well, I do say! How did the mission go?

[daffy] (lamentably, shoving his face in [coyote]'s face): The terrorists straitjacketed me and threw me off the plane! I want out!

[coyote]: Nonsense! *untying the straitjacket* You want to be an American hero, don't you?

[daffy]: Well, yes.

[coyote] (arranging [daffy]'s face back to normal): You want to rub your awards in that rabbit's buck-toothed face, don't you?

[daffy]: Yes!

[coyote]: And gain respect from Little Audrey and the other toons!?

[daffy]: Well, maybe not her, but the others, YES!

[coyote]: Great! Now go back to 2001 and do your duty! *presses the button, zapping [daffy] back to 2001* *chuckles evilly* This should be good.

And of course, [daffy] zaps back again, this time with his head in the shape of a mallet.

[daffy]: I tried to mallet the plane as it was taking off, but it smashed the mallet into me!

[coyote]: Now that's no reason to sulk, mallethead! Try again. *presses the button*

As he presses the button, colorful zaps (animated by Harry Love) fill the screen. This begins a montage in which [daffy] keeps coming back messed up in some funny-looking way (and with a funny expression), only for [coyote] to keep sending him to 2001.

[daffy] (holding his head, severed from the rest of his body): They *cough* slit my throat.

*zap*

[daffy] (now curled up flat): If the wheels are any indication, planes are pretty light!

*zap*

[daffy] (Swiss cheesed, so to speak): It's always duck season to terrorists!

*zap*

[daffy] (charred and woeful): Anyone for plane and skyscraper eros!?

*zap*

[daffy] (chopped in several pieces): You know what? There has to be a better way to do this!

[coyote]: Now, now, don't gripe! Surely stopping a few terrorists is so easy a—

[daffy] (his pieces flying back together): A child could do it!? *grabbing [coyote]* If it's that easy, then why don't you do it, *throwing [coyote] into the machine to the WB "whack" sound* supah genius!? *presses the button, zapping [coyote] to 2001* Hmph. Knowing him, I'd be surprised if he lasted five seconds there. Daffy Duck, untypical American anti-hero-to-become-a-hero, out!

As he tries to zip out of the cavern, he stops immediately short of the wall!

[daffy]: Ah-ah-ah! Not again! *does the typical Jones up-and-down eyebrows*

Acutally zipping out of the cavern...cue an off-screen impact! Cut to [daffy], who is stuck inside the mailbox outside [coyote]'s cavern.

[daffy] (still in position, but looking at the audience): Go ahead. Laugh!
Toadette
2015-06-27T15:25:22Z
Tish Tash directs this first part.

[daffy] is now flying over the woods that separate [bugs2]'s (and [foghorn]'s, and [coyote]'s) neighborhood from Toontown's Old Town.


[daffy]: Forsooth, it hath been far too long since I've spread my wings! Besides, it's easier for me to see what's going on.

Down in the woods, UserPostedImage comes out of a bush with a rifle.

UserPostedImage (turning to the audience): It is the wight of evewy Amewican to own a gun and go hunting on the Fouwth of Juwy. *does trademark laugh*

It is then that he hears [daffy] singing Sousa's lyrics to his famous composition, "The Stars and Stripes Forever".

Hurrah for the flag of the free!
May it wave as our standard forever,
The gem of the land and the sea,
The banner of the right.

During this singing, UserPostedImage aims at [daffy], and fires!

The bullet strikes [daffy]....


[daffy]: YOW!!

...and in turn he begins to dive down like a malfunctioned plane, smoke coming out of where he was shot!

[daffy] (taking out a cardboard walkie-talkie): MAYday! MAYday! We're coming in for a crash-landing!!!!

Cut to a shot of [daffy] falling from the camera into the woods below, followed by a violent camera-shake to Treg Brown's junk-crash sound!

Then cut to an angled shot in the woods, depicting the sheer amount of destruction [daffy] made upon his crash-landing! (There are a few felled trees!) Pan over to [daffy], upside down against a tree.


[daffy] (flipping back over and looking at his butt, which has lost a lot of feathers): Why, the nerve of that stick-in-his-butt butt-shooter! People these days. *starting to pontificate again* People weren't this rude back in the good old days!

UserPostedImage starts sneaking up behind [daffy].

[daffy]: Why, back then, hunters tried getting a direct hit! It was all over for you! But not anymore, it seems.

UserPostedImage gets closer.

[daffy] (now quoting Edgar Allan Poe's "O, Tempora! O, Mores"):
Oh Times! Oh Manners! It is my opinion
That you are changing sadly your dominion —
I mean the reign of manners hath long ceased,
For men have none at all, or bad at least.

UserPostedImage, during this recitation, continues getting closer. By the end, he is close enough to shoot [daffy], who is not facing in his direction, directly...but, in a scene wonderfully animated by Art Davis, when he clicks his rifle...

[daffy] (immediately bending forward and getting in UserPostedImage's face): Did you NOT just *his beak straightens out, carrying UserPostedImage angularly like in "The Stupid Cupid"* hear me ranting about the sheer rudeness in today'ththth world!? *bending back and forth once while keeping his beak straight (and UserPostedImage in the air), then doing it again while saying* Egghead!?

With that, [daffy] slams UserPostedImage onto the ground with his beak.

[daffy]: In case you haven't noticed, I am busy trying to figure out ways I can serve this glorious American nation, and take a certain short-haired hare's pie. And I can't serve America if you hunters are out trying to sabot-age me, a NEW American hero for the skewed textbooks!

Switch to Chuck Jones's direction (and Ken Harris's animation) as [daffy] realizes something, and then takes on a sly look.

[daffy]: I get it, UserPostedImage...you're no American!

UserPostedImage (who is indeed befuddled): What do you mean, Mr. Duck? I wove Amewica wike aww patwiotic—

[daffy]: Quiet with that schtick, schnook! It has come to my attention that you have no respect for me, a duck going out of his way for America, going so far as to try and murder me...and, ipso fatso, YOU'RE the one who's been trying to kill all the great Americans all throughout history, Elmer Fudd, alias John Wilkes Booth, alias Giuseppe Zangara, alias Lee Harvey Oswald, alias John Hinckley Jr.!!

UserPostedImage (sweating and panicking): No, NO!! Pwease, you gotta bewieve me, Mr. Duck, I didn't—

[daffy]: Let me have your fingerprints red/read! *grabbing UserPostedImage's hand, taking out a paintbrush with red paint, and painting the fingers and looking at them intently* Hmmmm.....hmmmmmm....hmmmmmmmmm! *throwing the hand on the ground angrily and looking at UserPostedImage* Whyyyy, these fingerprints could only belong to a master criminal! *UserPostedImage sweating and chattering his teeth, growing increasingly horrified* It's official! You're guilty! Case closed!

UserPostedImage (running around in circles sobbing panickedly then getting down on his knees): Pwease! Hewp me, Mr. Duck! I don't want to be wocked up in Guantanamo!

Switch back to Frank Tashlin's direction now.

[daffy]: No doubt, the FBI and the CIA are on your trail now. There's just one way I can help you.

UserPostedImage: Weww, huwwy up! What is it!?!?

[daffy]: Simple. You *stretching UserPostedImage's hat down to cover his entire body; the result is shaped like a giant rounded bullet* get out of my sight, and *grabbing the giant Elmer-bullet and stuffing it inside the rifle by stretching out the barrel* don't make me have to deal with you again. *picking up the rifle* Now *shooting the giant Elmer-bullet violently* SCRAM!!!

Cue some violent off-screen impacts to a different Treg Brown junk crash, prolonged! Then cue a long pan throughout the damaged forest, with gaping holes through several of the trees in a long line. After several seconds of this, UserPostedImage, still stuck in his hat, is finally found stuck in the wall of Ranger Smith's (from Yogi Bear) station. Cut to a shot inside, where only the round top part has come through to the other side. To Ranger Smith, sitting there in his office, it must look like a....well, never mind.

Ranger Smith (quite surprised): You know, I should really cut back on those late-night movies.
Toadette
2015-06-29T17:24:10Z
Tashlin still directs.

Fade to an establishing shot of the Old Town, then truck in on [daffy] looking at a poster on the wall of the Old Theater. Fade to the poster, which says, "Performers Wanted for Tonight's Fourth of July Fireworks Show", then pan down to [daffy].


[daffy]: Well, luckily for me, I am blessed with an inordinate amount of iniminiminabitle talent! And with my performance, I'll leave David Copperfield crying for fame as I entertain my country on a most important event! *zip into the theater, only to zip out again to say* Notice: I didn't crash into anything!

He zips back in...and he ends up crashing into the wall inside! Cut to [daffy] flattened into a disc stuck to the wall, which has been severely damaged by the impact; the [daffy] disc falls over and rattles on the ground for several seconds. When it stops, [daffy]'s arm pops out and points up...

[daffy]: ...I stand corrected.

Fade to a close-up of [porky] (in his outfit from "Brother Brat"), the judge, staring with curiosity at the act on stage—[mickey] can be heard. During the dialogue below, cut to [mickey] on the stage in his outfit from "Magician Mickey", waving his magic wand over a top hat (open side up).

[mickey]: Hocus pocus, Alaska-zam, abra-cadaver, and let freedom ring!

With that last statement, [mickey] pulls the Statue of Liberty out of the top hat! (He has to stretch his arm to pull it out completely.)

[mickey]: Ta-da!

[porky] (clapping): W-w-wonder-w-w-won-w-uh, all hunky-dory, [mickey]! You're in!

Now [porky] has a dissatisfied expression as he is having to endure [sylvestr] play the first theme (in F-major) of Sousa's "The Thunderer" on his one-cat band from "Back Alley Oproar".

[porky] takes out a box labelled "One-Pig Band (with pin included) - Use in case of one-cat bands!" From the box, he takes out a rubber band and a pin, and stretches the band extremely long, aiming the pin directly towards the stage—cue a startling shot from the pin's point of view...off it goes, and BOOM! A direct hit at the drum caused the air to burst out so powerfully that it's damaged the other instruments and blown all of [sylvestr]'s fur off! The band falls apart, one instrument by one, with finally [sylvestr], remaining hilariously shocked, himself collapsing, still frozen in position and expression.


[porky]: Hmmm, there haven't been any other perfor-p-p-perfor-p-uh, new acts on stage! Have they all—

A horribly off-key bugle fanfare from the side of the stage dispels his doubts, however! From the side of the stage, our "hero" enters...

[daffy] (coming in on a rocking horse and singing rapidly):
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony
Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni ([daffy] takes out a colonial hat, sticks a giant feather through it, and shapes it into a macaroni)

Throwing that away, [daffy] takes out a giant firework and lights it, causing it to fly up and destroy the ceiling! The sky is revealed.

[daffy]:
O beautiful for spacious skies ([daffy] pulls a lever, causing a giant wave of grain to begin enveloping the auditorium!)
For amber waves of grain! ([porky]'s pupils grow smaller in shock at the wave that covers the whole stage)
For purple mountain majesties ([daffy] comes out in a purple mountain suit)
Above the fruited plain! (yeah, it turns out he's standing on top of [porky]-in-a-fruit hat!)

[daffy] zips back onto the stage, leaving the mountain behind...something is covered in a sheet.

[daffy]:
America, America!
God shed His grace on thee! (the light from the sky turns sparkly and bright yellow)
And crown thy good with brotherhood (zip over to [porky] and put his arm around him)
From sea to shining sea! (unfurl the sheet, revealing [donald] on a pedestal dressed as Abraham Lincoln (clearly unwillingly!))

Rotating flags of all 50 states and gunshots appear behind the pedestal! The guns take out all the stage lights!

[daffy]: So, Pork, what do you think?

[porky]: What do I think? What do I think!? Why, reje-re-re-reje-re-re-NO! Just plain NO! It's too prete-pre-pre-pretentio-pre-uh, showy and destructive!

[daffy] (getting angry himself): Oh, I see what's going on here! *zip right over to [porky]* You're a philistine! *zip out, only to zip up behind [porky]* And a troglodyte! *zip out, only to pop up from inside [porky]'s outfit* And I shall have no need for your unpatriotic patronage! *zip back onto the stage* I will find other means of serving America today, and I will do it with a BANG!

And at that point, [donald] shoots [daffy] with one of the guns from the pedestal, disarranging his beak such that it covers his whole head!

[donald]: And that's what you get for throwing me out the window in a wicker chair yesterday! Ha-a-a-a-a-a!
Toadette
2015-06-30T20:51:40Z
Chuck Jones directs this rather ambitious (and not just because of what [daffy] does) post.

Now [daffy] is pacing back and forth on the Toontown-Videoville border, specifically the small non-mountainous portion.


[daffy]: It's pathetic. It's demoralizing. It defies all rational explanation! Every time I've tried doing something, even just flying, it backfires or screws up in some quirky fashion. *looking up at the sky* Hm, already the afternoon! Now if only I could just—

He is interrupted by the sound of three Shy Guys right on the other side of the border arguing over a sack. They begin raising their fists at each other, but...

[daffy]: *ahem, causing the Shy Guys to stop short of a brawl* Do you mind?

That's the cue for the Shy Guys to start panicking and run off with the sack!

[daffy]: Aha! So, they must be thieves stealing from the poor unfortunate toons that happen to pass by the border. And Princess Peach does nothing to stop these pesky vagrants? *realizing, then taking on an evil grin* Why...this is a convenient excuse for a needless invasion of a Japanese dependency like Videoville! I shall personally invade and claim the territory in the name of America, and then even that funny bunny will have to see me as a hero! *cringing* Eeesh! What a terrible rhyme!

Fade to [daffy] in an army helmet, pacing in front of a mirror.

[daffy]: Gentlemen, we are about to face the most daring challenge of our lives: a full-scale invasion of Mario, Sonic, and whatever else is popular on the market right now! We might not make it out alive, but we are doing this for the honor and glory of America! And me, of course. So will we do it!? *cut to [daffy] in the mirror saluting* Yes, sir! *cut back to [daffy]* Then onward we goooo!

And with that, [daffy] charges right into Videoville, literally knocking down and stepping over every video game character in his path!

It's when he reaches the center of town, however, that things turn chaotic...the background behind [daffy] becomes angry color cards!
(They're red or orange or yellow!)


[daffy] (firing a machine gun, throwing dynamite sticks, flamethrowing): Fire at will! Careful, men! Whoa, begone! Arms rest!!

Despite the sheer haphazardness of the attack, however, cue a shot of Videoville descending into chaos; a Shy Guy is twanging back and forth on a streetlight, lots of video game characters are running around screaming, buildings are in flames or covered in bullet holes, and looting has already begun with Yoshis breaking out of windows with eggs!

[daffy]: And now for the secret weapon! *takes out a small firecracker and lights it* Look, a little light! It sparkles!

But then he throws it right into the Bob-omb Club...and with all the Bob-ombs inside it, there's a massive explosion!!!

Cue an Eisenstein-style montage of all the carnage that results, synchronized to the variation of Wagner's Overture to "The Flying Dutchman" played in "What's Opera, Doc?"; the sky has turned red:
-Goombas are thrown back by the explosion
-A Koopa, charred up hilariously, collapses
-The massive explosion turns Goonies (from Yoshi's Island) flying in the sky into their skeletal versions
-The various woodland animals from Sonic games evacuate to the woods, their shadows covering the trees
The second half, beginning with what I'm going to call the "fanfare", starts here:
-Cue two fast shots of surrounding buildings severely damaged, then cut to a shot of a building on fire collapsing onto Diddy Kong...who is luckily saved by Donkey Kong rolling before it hits the ground!
-The three Shy Guys from earlier are on fire, and so is their sack
-Cue more quick shots (synchronized to the four long "falling" notes in the music) of the same streetlight-with-the-Shy-Guy from earlier collapsing, a Blue Toad screaming, several slaughtered Cuccos on the ground, and [daffy] with a shocked expression (even he is horrified at what he's capable of), and finally several very quick shots (some of them with pans or even zoom-outs; synchronized to rest of the "falling" notes) of destroyed or ruined buildings (particularly Toad huts), streets littered with injured video game characters, and statues that look horrified, concluding with a shot of the smoke clearing in front of [daffy], still shocked...


[daffy]: Well, I admit I didn't mean for things to get this out-of-hand! Nonetheless, *taking out an American flag* I claim this territory in the name of America!

Loud Mel Blanc voice: Hold it right there!!

[daffy] turns around and finds himself shocked—the voice came from a UserPostedImage dressed in an old-fashioned Austrian Field Marshal's uniform, and behind him are five loooong columns of UserPostedImage soldiers!

Field Marshal UserPostedImage: I've served our Princess for thirty years, and in all that time...

As the Toad goes on giving a grandiose speech, [daffy] keeps zipping in and out preparing five cannons!

Field Marshal UserPostedImage: ...so we will expel you and your destructive tendencies if we DIE from it! Fire!

[daffy] hides under the cannons as the Toad soldiers fire their rifles!

[daffy](rather amused): Eh! Simpletoads.

With that, he pulls a string, firing all five cannons at once! And all five columns of Toad soldiers (with the Field Marshal in the middle column) fall down like dominoes from the cannonballs; cue successive overhead shots of the falling Toad dominoes, each one farther up in the sky, showing just how large the army is! It turns out that it stretches all the way to the entrance of UserPostedImage's castle; UserPostedImage, UserPostedImage, Sunhatpuff/Balletpuff, and I are watching in amazement.

UserPostedImage: That's....well, I guess I should've expected this, knowing it's [daffy].

To be concluded tomorrow...
Toadette
2015-07-02T06:50:21Z
My sincerest apologies to all you readers for not getting this post in on time.

Anyways, out of the ground pops Toadsworth. For those of you who are new to these threads, he's my godfather; just as UserPostedImage is UserPostedImage and I's mother, Toadsworth is like our father.


Me: Oh, godfather, have you found help?

Toadsworth: I've somehow gathered some of the famous video game characters that are in your real-life supervisor's mind together! They ought to dispose of that mallet-wielding mallard soon enough.

Frank Tashlin directs from here. Fade to a grand shot featuring UserPostedImage, Donkey Kong, and UserPostedImage, backed up by 105 Splatoon squid kids (arranged bowling pin-style)!

Pan over to [daffy]'s cannons. [daffy] peers out slowly, such that at first he looks more like an army helmet revealing that it has a black, ringed neck, with [daffy]'s head popping out after the fact.


[daffy] (lightening up at the sight of the characters): Say, is it just me or is the game squad in town!? *jollily laughing* What a pathetic sight! What a lulu! *continues laughing*

In the meantime, UserPostedImage has begun running towards [daffy].

[daffy], still laughing, pulls the string that fires all five cannons...only for UserPostedImage to just jump on one of the cannonballs (earning 5000 points in the process) like nothing!

[daffy], in a close-up, realizing what has happened, does a shocked take and zips off! UserPostedImage jumps over the cannons themselves, and it looks like [daffy]'s a dead duck...but then UserPostedImage must come to a violent skid, stopping just short of [daffy] who has a Poison Mushroom!


[daffy]: You wouldn't mess with a mallard who has potent poison in his hands, would you?

UserPostedImage zips behind [daffy], and almost gives him a good kick—but [daffy] turns around with the Mushroom!

[daffy] (wagging his finger): Ah-ah-ah-ah! *fingers UserPostedImage in his eyes*

[daffy] woo-hoos and zips off while UserPostedImage stumbles around blindly, having to cover his eyes in pain—he ends up stumbling into a [daffy]-shaped pile of Poison Mushrooms! As the poisonous [daffy] crumbles at his feet, he does a wild take and, turning a sickly green, starts doing a dramatic death, only for his entire lower half to drop down into a puddle of goo; to the WB "sludge bubbling" sound, the rest of UserPostedImage melts down as well.

[daffy] sneakily comes up from behind his fallen poisonous likeness with a mallet, and is surprised to see UserPostedImage already defeated.


[daffy]: Well I'll be! Plumbers these days are too sensitive, especially when they're capable of saving princesses from giant turtles!

Fade to a combination barbed-wire/electric fence that [daffy] has put up in place of the cannons. [daffy], behind the fence, is attaching a bunch of 20 bananas to a fishing rod.

[daffy]: If this works, then, well, that ape is Jack*** Kong!

[daffy] swings the fishing rod—the bunch of bananas lands next to the bush behind which Donkey Kong is hiding. He peers out, and, in extreme ecstasy (depicted in a close-up), starts chasing after the bananas as [daffy] reels them away!

Cut to a shot of the fishing rod...zoom out to reveal [daffy] is just operating it with his feet! He holds up a banana peel...


[daffy]: Fight a banana-mad ape with a banana, I say!

...and throws it over the fence such that it lands between the bunch of bananas and Donkey Kong! As the latter slips, he ironically crushes the bunch he had been chasing after all this time—in turn, he slides right into the barbed-electric fence!

It stretches (to the Treg Brown rising "booooooooooong!"), electrocutes Donkey Kong, then, as he ricochets back, the whole fence comes with him, the barbs having attached to him!

He crashes into the 105-Squid Kid Splatoon to the sound of a bowling ball striking pins; ink flies everywhere and covers the screen! When the ink clears, it is revealed that the fence that came with Donkey Kong has the ape and all 105 tied up inside—and it electrocutes them all!


From the castle, UserPostedImage, Toadsworth, Sunhatpuff, UserPostedImage, and I are watching the chaos unfold.

Me: Just as I expected! They're failing.

UserPostedImage (voiced, as usual in these threads, by Daws Butler): Maybe you could just write that after a long, long, long, long, LONG battle [daffy] was defeated! It'd certainly save the reader and us a lot of stress and time—time that your real-life supervisor can use to sleep rather than keep writing through you at this late hour.

Toadsworth: Actually, there's a secret weapon Toadette and I have been saving...behold!

UserPostedImage: A toy soldier? But how can that work?

Me (taking the toy and winding it up): Trust me, mother. The fate of at least one Western standoff was determined by this!

UserPostedImage: Okay...Okay! So NOW we rely on some miniature clockwork that hopefully is rigged right—and that's assuming hysterical video game characters don't step all over it.

Me (putting down the soldier): Oh, Toad, why do I write you as some fuddy-duddy?

Toadsworth, Sunhatpuff, and I salute as the toy soldier marches off to Raymond Scott's "The Toy Trumpet". UserPostedImage and UserPostedImage look on in curiosity.

UserPostedImage: Well, good luck to him, I guess.

Fade to UserPostedImage spinning towards [daffy] so fast that he's a blurry blue ball.

[daffy]: Watch as I deal with this character in a patriotic fashion.

Just as UserPostedImage is about to collide with him, he takes out a particularly long, sharp spike!

[daffy] (swinging the spike around like a sword rhythmically and reciting all the states of the U.S. in alphabetical order rapidly (basically like him listing the scrap items in "Scrap Happy Daffy") while UserPostedImage consistently dodges it, continuing to spin in midair): Alabama! Alllaska! Arizona! Arkansas! California! Connecticut! Delaware! Florida! Hawaii, Id'ho! Illinois! Indiana! Iowa, Kansas!...

During this time, [daffy] starts chasing UserPostedImage as much as he is trying to stab him! They start to scale a hill, twirling around it as they get higher and higher.

[daffy]: Nebraska, Nevada! New Hampshire, New Jersey! *pant-pant-pant-pant—while UserPostedImage just stands there!* New Mexico, New York! North Carolina! North Dakota!....

When they finally reach the top, [daffy] is already through with "Wisconsin", while UserPostedImage is himself panting heavily! Unfortunately, [daffy] is behind him....

[daffy]: Aaaaand....*giving UserPostedImage a good jab in his rear with the spike* Wyoming!

UserPostedImage: Whoa!

And with that, UserPostedImage tumbles down the whole pathway leading up to the top, leaving behind a whole trail of rings! Cue an epic shot, like the overhead shot of the long stairwell in "Porky Pig's Feat", of the whole pathway, with UserPostedImage continuing to tumble down leaving behind an insane amount of rings—and finally, cut to [daffy] looking as UserPostedImage is heard finally landing at the bottom with a long Mel Blanc-voiced groan of pain.

Chuck Jones directs for the rest of this post.

[daffy]: Well, that's that! Now where was I...oh, yes! I claim this territory in the name of—

But he is interrupted by Raymond Scott's "The Toy Trumpet" as the toy soldier has arrived! It has marched up the hill—[daffy] picks it up.

[daffy]: *chortling* How cute! Is this really all these characters have left?

And it shoots its gun, which has real gunpowder! For a moment, it looks like [daffy] has been charred, defeated at last...but he takes his face off, revealing his actual face underneath!

[daffy]: And it just so happens that I expected this to happen! *pointing at his head, as if showing off what a genius he is* So uh, *turning it around...revealing a lit pack of dynamite behind it* how exactly did these things work *bulging his eyes out at the surprise, then taking on a typical Jones "I'm screwed" expression*...again?

BOOM!

Cue a funny-looking charred [daffy] in the aftermath; he falls over.

It is then that a cheering crowd of video game characters runs up the hill, lifts [daffy] up, then runs down and to the Toontown-Videoville border, where Toadsworth takes the honor of kicking [daffy] out of Videoville!

As [daffy] lays on the other side of the border, humiliated, the three Shy Guys from earlier, charred up themselves, come over with their sack. The one holding the sack says something angrily, then whacks [daffy] (to the WB whack sound) with the sack, stars popping up from the impact! The Shy Guys then leave him with the sack.


[daffy] (getting up, though weary): Well, if nothing else, *picking up the sack* I earned whatever it was that started this whole debacle! *emptying the sack out*

But...[daffy] turns to the screen with a "You've got to be kidding me!!" expression as it turns out it was just a dumb bag of laundry!

[daffy] starts to turn angry and red in the head, like he's really going to blow up—the backgrounds even begin to take on a red hue!—but he stops (and the backgrounds return to normal) as he realizes that it's futile.


[daffy] (breaking down): Oh, what did I do to deserve this!?!? *sobbing*
ParamountCartoons
2015-07-03T14:09:29Z
Chuck Jones directs



Daffy walks near a coin-op online dating machine.........


[daffy] Cool! Valentine's Day without the hi-jinx!


Daffy inserts coin and gets started.........


*We then cut to a montage of finding a date, posting questions, responding to letters (set to a sped-up version of the factory part of Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse")*

[bugs2] Haven't you had enough of that machine? There's reason to believe you've beaten the world record for most dates in one post!

Daffy then zip and points at Bugs' face

[daffy] I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO THINKS I'M A HERO THIS FOURTH OF JULY! I'VE EVEN POSTED PICTURES OF ME BONKING ON HITLER (from "Daffy the Commando"). AND YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BUTT IN!

[bugs2] Look, duck, you've forgotten that if you want my pie, you're supposed to be doing something heroic, not looking like a hero in front of others. Besides, while you were on the dating machine, [coyote] was trying to stop 9/11 with his time machine. And he is almost succeeding!

[daffy] Wait [coyote] , noooooooooo! (He runs to [coyote]'s cavern as he says this)...........



Author's note: I've been looking for dates (really pen pals) on eHarmony and other sites.....so that's what's been on my mind lately...................
Toadette
2015-07-04T03:00:20Z
By the time he arrives, however, [coyote] is in the midst of transporting back!

[daffy]: Oh, what's the use!? I'm a failure today. Even that coyote is more successful than I am!

The sun is setting. Frank Tashlin directs.

To an instrumental of "Blues in the Night", [daffy] is walking around depressed, tired, a broken duck . As he droops around the street corner, he looks at a poster advertising a screening of footage from "The Peanuts Movie" in 3-D to take place in an hour.


[daffy] (still depressed): Look at those nuts. They're practically as American as apple pie! They get a whole screening dedicated to them on the Fourth of July, and I get nothing. I'm beginning to think Charlie Brown is luckier than me.

He begins to droop off again...but he suddenly zips back furiously! Chuck Jones directs.

[daffy]: Wait a minute!! In 3-D!? How dare these oh-so-sincere children involve themselves in this cynical marketing ploy!? *sigh* I've seen it too many times. Too often, good, wholesome people decide to sell off their values just for more fame. What Hollywood is doing to 3-D today is a crime! These degenerate hacks film their junk in 2-D and do fake 3-D conversions in post-production just to get more money from tickets! Whereas back then, it was all 3-D from beginning to end. Directors actually wanted to take advantage of the format, yet doing such things today would be considered gimmicky cheap trickery.

And needless to say, it's unpatriotic! To quote Bob Furmanek on this matter, old 3-D films "represent a slice of Americana that is lost now."

Realizing something, [daffy] zips out and zips back in with a copy of the "3-D Rarities" Blu-ray.

[daffy]: Hopefully my persuasion skills are still effective—especially for this most American cause. *eyebrows-up-down*

Frank Tashlin directs the rest.

Fade to Toontown's New Theater, and pan up to the top of the building, which is conspicuously labelled as the manager's office. Truck in, and fade to [daffy] trying to convince the manager, who is the hotel manager from "Porky Pig's Feat".


[daffy]: So whaddya say? Are you in or are you with me?

Manager: Well...I see your point, but the fact is, Peanuts is what people consider more American than 3-D now! And besides, they make more money!

[daffy] ricochets up to his face, and eventually begins stuffing his head into the manager's head (and in turn stuffing the manager's face in) while his own beak becomes a malleable mouth in an intense confrontation! (Art Davis animation.)

[daffy]: Making money for your materialism, ehhhhh ffffatso!? Passing off Peanuts in a pitifully phony 3-D as the real deal, ehhhhh fffatso!? Intimating that such desecrations to two American properties will be condoned—*popping his head out* ehhhhhhh fatso!?!? *zipping to the open elevator* Since you insolently refuse to see eye-to-eye with me, I shall have no more dealings with you. Good day to you— *elevator door closes, only to open for one last insult* —Pruneface!!

The door closes again, and pan up to an old-fashioned floor indicator, with the dial turning to the first floor...but it speeds to the other side and the floor indicator shatters out (springs and all)! The elevator door opens again.

[daffy]: Just in case you happen to need me back, *zipping back to the manager, whose face is still stuffed inside his head, and taking out flypaper* my card, you cad! *sticks the flypaper over his head* Now if you'll excuse me, I have a screening to sabotage with 3-D Rarities! I shall assist Bob Furmanek as an American savior of 3-D!

[daffy] woo-hoos and bounces all over the manager's desk, causing everything on it to fall out, then zips off, leaving a smoke cloud shaped like him!

Cut to [daffy] leaving the elevator, having arrived on the first floor. He finds himself shocked at what he sees...


[daffy]: Screen 20...where the screening is set to take place...is there!?

Cut to a close-up of the entrance to that screen....but rapidly zoom out to show just how long the distance is between [daffy] and that entrance!

As [daffy] continues looking in shock, the manager arrives on the floor, tearing off the flypaper, revealing his face is still stuffed in! He begins growling; [daffy], surprised, turns around and grins, then ricochets off! (The manager follows suit.)


In a scene animated by Izzy Ellis, [daffy] and the manager zip throughout the theater so fast that they're practically brush-strokes! Eventually, in the lobby, as [daffy] zips up and down the popcorn machine, the manager crashes through it, causing severe cracks in the glass!


[daffy] begins stuffing the manager into the pot and then pours butter into it, woo-hoos, and zips off again...the pot begins shaking and rattling and spinning violently, and eventually shoots the manager out of the machine through the non-broken side! Cue an off-screen impact, and cut to the manager stuck-and-stuffed inside one of the flavors for a soda fountain as the actual soda squirts out. It's only here that his face begins to pop out again, and even then each portion comes out one-by-one rhythmically, with even some ticking sounds at first! (Art Davis again.)

[daffy] zips over with a cup and squirts the manager into it, then drinks the manager...but with a look of bewilderment, he begins swishing the liquid manager around in his beak (which distorts accordingly). Finally, he starts spitting and spraying the manager all over the ground!


[daffy] (wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, his beak stretching with it): Phhhhhhhooey! What kind of beverage is this anyways? Tastes like potatoes have been soaking in water for too long!

But the manager's droplets suddenly reform together!

Manager (in a higher-pitched loud-mouth Mel Blanc voice): WHAT!?

[daffy] (clearly stunned): Yipe! *zip out*

Once again, the manager chases [daffy] throughout the theater until, quite finally, [daffy] enters Screen 20 and in turn the projectionist's booth.

[daffy]: *panting* Phew! *noticing something* Well, how do ya like that? The projector here is a Blu-ray set-up!

[daffy] goes over and presses the "Eject" button, but the drive refuses to open.

[daffy] (pressing the button repeatedly and angrily): Come on, playboy! Open up! Is there something in there that's—

The drive opens so fast that it hits [daffy] in the head and knocks him down!

[daffy] (getting up woozily): ....jamming you?

And that's when the upper half of the manager comes out from inside that small player with a fist, sending [daffy] back but leaving the 3-D Rarities Blu-ray spinning in the air!

He grabs the case (with the disc inside) with an evil grin and, opening his mouth widely (though still stuck in the player), chomps it to pieces!! [daffy] looks in horror, with the shadow of the manager chomping it seen on the wall behind him.


Manager (spitting the pieces out): Where are your 3-D Rarities now!? *laughing evilly*

Cut to a long shot outside the theater...

Manager: Now GET OUT!

[daffy] is thrown straight out of the theater in perspective! The camera goes in a long pan across the sky with him.

[daffy]: Whyyyy that dirty dog!

Exactly when he says "dog", he crashes into a telephone pole, his beak, of course, sticking through to the other side.

[daffy]: He has no respect or patriotism! And I'll teach him a lesson, or my name isn't—

During this above dialogue, the telephone pole collapses, bringing the other telephone poles in Toontown down with it!

[daffy] (sticking his finger up...and stretching a collapsed wire with it): ....Daffy...

Thanks to the wire, [daffy] is severely electrocuted and ricochets violently off with sparks flying, and a power outage engulfs Toontown! Amidst the twilight slowly turning to night, the town looks dark, and all is silent, except for one sound...

[daffy]: ...Duck.

Fade out.

There will be one last post to conclude the story tomorrow. By the way, ParamountCartoons, good luck finding a pen pal!

Toadette
2015-07-05T00:34:11Z
Chuck Jones directs.

By now, the moon shines brightly in the sky as Toontown remains dark. Against it, however, [daffy] can barely be seen tiptoeing to [bugs2]'s mansion.


[daffy]: I'm finished. I'm through! I've taken enough damage to apply for Veterans' Benefits! So I'm just going to steal the pie now that everything's dark, and ol' long ears won't notice. Muahahahaha!

But then [daffy] notices a flashing light from [coyote]'s cavern and an accompanying zapping sound.

[daffy] comes over and sees that [coyote] has come back with a shiny, glowing gold medal with "9/11" emblazoned on it!


[coyote]: So, what do you think?

[daffy]: You mean you actually prevented—but then why hasn't the timeline—

[coyote]: Well, you know the old saying! "The more things change, the more they—"

[daffy]: Never mind, I don't need your philosophical tripe! *starting to stamp on and flatten [coyote]* It's mine, you understand!? Mine, mine, mine! Go, go, go! Gimme, gimme, gimme! *taking the medal and running off* Nghuahahahahahaha!

Cut to a shot of [daffy] running to [bugs2]'s house, then cut back to [coyote], still flattened, lighting a giant firework aimed at [daffy]. It blasts off to Castle Thunder, charring [coyote] in the process, and slams into [daffy], who finds himself riding on it!

The firework crashes through [bugs2]'s mansion's door; cut to [bugs2] cutting the pie next to a lit candle. The firework speeds by, and the pie has disappeared; [bugs2] does a take!


[daffy] (holding the pie and turning back): So long, bunny-baker! Finally, *licking lips* all mine!

[daffy] crashes through the back door, through the metal fence surrounding the house, and through just about every single house afterwards! Finally, battered and humiliated, he suddenly sees himself heading towards the steep, though slightly curved side of the highest mountain on the Toontown-Videoville border; as he looks at the screen horrified with his pupils shrinking Jones-style, the firework actually rides up along the curve! Up the firework goes into the sky, where it explodes into brilliant colors and shapes.

In some location in Toontown, [audryy], surrounded by fireworks, is watching.

[audryy]: Well, I guess they didn't cancel the show after all!

So [audryy] begins lighting the fireworks; they light the sky vividly in glorious Technicolor! "Columbia, Gem of the Ocean" begins playing.

Down on the back patio of [bugs2]'s mansion, all the toons are gathered (just assume they made their way there through the light of the moon); a grand view of the fireworks show is possible there.

[bugs2]: Eh, I'm sorry that I don't have any pie for you docs! [daffy] stole it several lines ago.

[porky]: D-d-do-d-d-do-d-d-don't worry about it, [bugs2]! The nice v-v-vist-v-vist-v-v-uh, view is nice enough.

And so the toons go on watching the fireworks...but in the midst of the bright patterns and sparks, three things are falling from the sky, one after the other—[daffy], the medal, and the pie!

[daffy] falls and hits the mountain, leaving a [daffy]-shaped crater in it! As he gets up, dazed and injured, the medal lands on his head flatly, almost like an anvil! Then [daffy] looks up...and gets a pie in the face! As the pan falls off...


[daffy] (weary with a Jones tiny-pupiled, double-eye expression):
And this wretched date of shameful folly, known as July 4
Shall have parties—nevermore! *collapse*

Iris-out as "Columbia, Gem of the Ocean" ends. Fade into the Merrie Melodies rings with "That's all Folks!" writing itself out as usual as the 1941 ending version of "Merrily We Roll Along" plays:

UserPostedImage

I hope you folks have had a good Fourth of July! (Better than [daffy], at least.) If you haven't done anything, try to get to know American culture more, perhaps by reading a story or poem or two by literary master Edgar Allan Poe or even watching Looney Tunes on Blu-ray—since those are, after all, masterworks of American cinematic comedy!

The Halloween party this year will come on October 12th. wiley207 and I talked about it extensively over the portion of summer before this thread began...expect it to be great!